Mission To Mars
Directed By:  Brian DePalma
Starring:  Tim Robbins, Gary Sinise,
Kim Delaney, Jerry O'Connell
Rated:  PG (Language / Violence)
Running Time:  113 Min.
   From 1955 through the early 1990's, there was a ride at Disneyland called 'Mission To Mars'.  Originally, it was called 'Rocket To The Moon', then 'Flight To The Moon', then 'Mission To The Moon', but once we had actually gone to the moon, then lost interest in it, the ride was updated once again. 

    With the clever use of red plexi-glass over all the moonscapes, Disney's legendary 'Imagineers' had transformed the ride to depict a trip to the barren wastelands of the planet Mars.  Visitors would first walk past windows showing Mission Control officials hard at work sitting in chairs and watching the randomly flashing lights that are essential for all computers to function.  (Those with I-Macs know what I'm talking about!)  NASA workers were also shown engaged in the American national pastime of staring blankly at television monitors.  After viewing these incredibly realistic inner-workings of the space mission and walking past a few more red plexi-glass covered moonscape photos, visitors were shown into a large round room, with what appeared for all the world to be futuristic plastic lounge chairs arranged in a circle.  They were then asked to take their seats and prepare for launch.  Once positioned in what they now knew to be surprisingly uncomfortable futuristic plastic lounge chairs, the intrepid space cadets would listen to the countdown - 10, 9, 8, 7, - how would it end?  Only time would tell.

   At the command 'Blast Off!', the lights would dim and mechanical parts in the increasingly uncomfortable lounge chairs would rumble to life, shaking and pulling the center of the chair down, causing its occupant to sink slightly, thereby simulating the sensation of increased G-forces.  (The increased G-forces experienced by astronauts during lift-off are in fact very much like having the center of your chair pulled back slightly; not many people know that.)  Overhead, a round screen placed on the ceiling showed file footage of space travel that could only have come directly from Werner Von Braun's waste paper basket.  After a few minutes of this, the ride was over and visitors were asked to leave via exits that were conveniently located adjacent to the ride's gift shop.

    The movie Mission To Mars was almost as exciting.*
A.J.'s Rating: 1 dull film for Man, one giant waste of My Time!
In space, no one can hear you snore.
* This review inspired by my friend Geo.
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Review published
July 19 2000
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